Emotional Balance

With the holiday season in full swing down here on the Surfcoast in Victoria, Australia, I have had no shortage of reminders of the importance of Emotional Balance. Whether it be a disgruntled tourist, an upset child or a feeling you notice within yourself, the ability to regulate one's emotional state so that you can enjoy this time with friends and family is paramount. Before we jump further in, let's have a quick rundown on what I mean by Emotional Balance.

Renowned psychologist and author Dr. Daniel Goleman defines the phrase as;

'The ability to keep disruptive emotions in check, to maintain effectiveness under stressful conditions'.

Let's break some of these terms down a bit further and put them into context.

Stress - When we are exposed to stress, there are a number of processes that kick off in your brain. The emotional part of the brain, the limbic system and in particular the amygdala, is the first to respond. It will subconsciously assess your safety and trigger the flight/fight/freeze reactions if a threat is perceived. Let me say that last word again, perceived. Regardless of whether or not you are actually in danger, if your brain perceives that something or someone in your environment is a threat, then it will set in motion the above-mentioned reactions. Now if you are actually in danger, these reactions and the subsequent release of cortosol and adreneline is a positive thing as they will assist you in navigating out of the dangerous situation. However, if it is simply a perceived threat, then these reactions can lead to us taking actions that are detrimental to our wellbeing and that we wil likely later regret.

Disruptive Emotions describe the feelings that we feel when in these stressful situations and are the brains way of communicating to our conscious mind. To name them, think Fear, Anger, Shame, Anxiety and Jealousy. I am sure that we can all recall an instance where we have had one or multiple of these emotions thrust upon us and have not been able to manage them successfully. Whether it is an offhand comment from a loved one, someone taking your car park or accidentally bumping into you on the street. There are moments every day that we experience where we have the potential to experience these emotions.

Maintain Effectiveness - Now let's get to the good stuff, how the hell do we deal with these emotions in the moment in a way that allows us to maintain control of our behaviour? The key is self-awareness. The moment that you become aware of the emotions that are being triggered, you are able to do something about them. You can choose to respond more productively, to navigate a situation with compassion and employ empathy for those you are interacting with. This will allow you to arrive at a greater outcome than would have otherwise occurred.

So, what does this look like? It might be taking a deep breath, removing yourself from the situation or altering your perspective. Basically, introducing friction between the emotions felt and any subsequent actions taken as a result of these emotions. Typically, the greater the amount of friction, the more time the executive functions in your prefrontal cortex have, to take control and respond effectively. This is easier written than done and successful application of the above in the moment takes practice. To increase your level of self-awareness, both mindfulness and meditation practices are great ways to build your self-awareness muscle.

An easy exercise to get started with is simply pausing the next time you feel a strong emotion. This will allow your prefrontal cortex to engage and for you to respond instead of reacting to a situation. And remember, as with beginning anything new, start small, check the judgement in at the door and be kind to yourself.

So, with likely many opportunities to practice over the holidays on offer, get on out there and begin exercising that muscle!

Let me know how you get on, I'd love to hear from you.

JI